Thursday, January 19, 2012

Trying hard to remain where i am .

Even though many of you people will not stop and read this little post of mine however i'll still write it as a form of motivation for myself -

It had taken a lot of hard work for me to get to where i am today , i  had fought really hard to achieved the position that i want and that's to be 1st in class/level and yes ! I had achieved it .

I had fought really hard for that position last year and everyday i was asking my teachers question till he/she get irritated , snatching away people question and helping them to answer instead and many other stuff to improved myself. To be honest with you guys , i am a very competitive person and i really want everything to be perfect for me .

Back in 2009 when i first entered my Secondary Educations studies was never my first priority , to me school back then was just a place for me to have fun and make friends but as time passed by i started to realized in order for me to have a good future ahead i have to work hard for it and not just sit down there and wait for miracle to happen so that's what i did when my Upper Secondary life start :D (Sec 3 )

I started attending Remedial lesson , have extra classes and even go to the library to study and yes it's super stress as i am not only schooling however i am also working so it's tough however i believe as long as i work hard i am able to get the best thing out of what i want to get.

So as time passed by , i eventually got recognised by more and more teachers in school and all the hardwork had been paid as i had improved in most of my subjects in the End Of Year exam 2011 .


Sometimes when you are at the top of your game , you'll be afraid to fall and basically that's my current situation . I may sound like as though i don't give a damn about my studies however i am really concern on what other people think of me and my result . And yes i am afraid that i'll drop ! I am afraid that i might fail my N-Levels that's why i am so harsh on myself

I had been working really hard from the start of Jan 2012 and to be frank i don't know how long more am i able to handle all this stress i have , is like i had cried and to be frank no one cares about how i feel and i am really scared of losing what i have . I know that i can't have the best in both world but thats's not the point , i just want things that will benefit me in the future .

Many of my classmates have been saying that i'll do well in my N's no matter what happened and that i will not feel any stress but the fact is i am even more stress than you guys are ! You guys had no idea how much N-Level mean to me ! You guys had no idea why am i working so hard ! You guys just don't understand me ! And to be frank i am sick and tired of people constantly saying that i have no stress at all ! COME'ON , I AM A HUMAN TOO !

Many teachers had used my result to compare against my Senior result and to be frank why must they do that , is like i am no match for them aright D: This is making me even more stress than ever ! D:

As for today EBS Quiz paper , i can say i left the most blank in my entire class and to be frank i am sorta devastated that i don't know how to answer most of the question , guessed what EBS is one of my best subject and take a look at what happened now ! D: GODDAMN !

I really don't understand how am i suppose to carry on handling all this really , can i just give up ?! D:
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