Sunday, December 1, 2013

Just being myself, just being us that's all!

"You're so dumb! Again why do you exist in this world?"
"You're ugly Edwin, you're a freak!"
"Faggot! Why are you so gay!"
"You ain't cool enough to be our friend!"
"Seriously, you only mixed with girls! Gay much!"

I heard it, i smiled and act like i don't care but deep inside i was crying. 
Back then i didn't have much friend to talk to, i wasn't really close with my teachers and all and i couldn't tell my parent what had happened even until now. Up till today, i would still get pissed off and sad whenever i think of what had happened to me when i was younger being called names and constantly being made fun by others. 

See, i wasn't really big in size when i was younger (even up till today), i didn't have much friend and i don't really liked soccer like how most guy like it hence i was somehow the "Special"(Yeah right!) boy in class! Anyway here's a sample of how do i look back then when i was younger!

Back then, i would always the "Extra"one in class teachers wouldn't look at me seriously. It sucks big time and i remembered me dreading school almost every morning.

There was this one year back when i was still a Primary 1 student, we had a spelling test or something like that and i didn't did well for the test and my teacher called me to the front and said my result was the worst and indirectly calling me stupid and all, all my classmate than made fun of me calling me stupid, useless and all (Take note, we are all Primary 1 students). I felt like crap.

When i first fallen from the EM2 stream to the foundation stream back when i was in Primary 5, some of my Primary 5 EM2 classmates laugh at me and mock me saying how can someone not do well in such simple exams and how can someone get like 9/100 for Maths and all. Even though i was hurt big time due to the poor result and all the comments which people make i still act like as if i don't care even though i care as i don't want people to pity yeah! Primary School didn't really went well for me. (Except Primary 6 where i only hung out with my fellow Foundation Stream mates)

During my Secondary School days i thought to myself that everything will be and all however i was wrong! I was still called the same thing but i met good friends who are always there for me! Friends like JunQi, Gerald and Benny. (: Secondary 1 and 2 was quite alright despite the facts that my Seniors who are older than me was always talking about me and calling me names when i am alone. 

I started to change and become someone who is constantly scolding vulgarities and all to try and fit in however i couldn't as to the "Cool kids" i was still the kid who is uncool and also feminine in that sense. Yes! I now i admit i'm feminine and all and i don't mind being feminine than to fit it to become mainstream with those cool kids, I embrace who i am and i'm born this way hence who are they to judge me. 

Anyway i remembered one time when i was in Secondary 3 my last year in the school, the start of 2012 some of my so called "friends" wrote on my worksheet the word "GAY" while i went to the restroom and honestly i was pissed off in that sense like why do i deserve all this and i was offended. However now that i think of it why should i care, at least i embrace who i am and i know what's right than to care about their comments and make myself feel bad. 

Moving on to my Secondary 4 life! So i started to excel in my studies and slowly acted like i don't care about people's comments about me even though i still cared about it, there was this kid in my class who would always make called me names such as Steven Lim and all which really funny and he meant it as a joke, however it hurt me! I got good result and all and he said that he could do better and don't even bother caring about how i felt and worst, he always trash talk others when he himself is no where better. Thinking of this now really make me feel pissed off even though this shit had passed by for a year now.


I shouldn't be so mad towards them now that i think of it. I should thank each and everyone of them who had teased me and all. Thanks you guys, thanks for teasing me and motivating me to work even harder to be even more successful than your, thanks for allowing me to become independent and lastly thanks for those days where your make me feel like crap as all this shit that i had gone through allow me to become who i am today! 

Alright, so the year passes by and i graduated my Secondary School with a pretty good result for my GCE N Level examination and now i'm living a happy life though sometimes i still get nasty comments from people such as my friends and relative however i no longer care as i'm not born to please them! Hahaha!

Okay, last but no least, let me leave you with some picture from my childhood to who i am today, just look at this changes in me!

Hope this blog post could allow your to know more about myself and also for people who are teased and all, make sure you tell someone about it or make a blog to rant and stuff. Don't keep everything to yourself alright! Life gets better, i can surpass it i bet you can too! Now that i think of it, i should at least find someone to talk to then keeping everything to myself! No one deserve to be treated differently and no one deserve to be bullied!

Oh! Watch this video, this kid was brave to talk about his story. He indeed inspired me!

Okay! Thanks for reading this longlong post of mine! I'll see you guys soon (:

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